Lifestyle | Marriage

The 1st Year of Marriage

13th August 2017

Me and hubby have now been married just over a year, I can't believe it.  Time goes so fast, it seems like we are on a never ending roller coaster that we can't get off sometimes, but I am grateful for our life and our relationship.  Despite what life throws at us, it seems to bring us closer together and more in love.

We have actually been together 10 years on 15th August this year! Wow! It really doesn't feel like 10 years.  It feels like just yesterday that we went on our first date.  It's funny because after 9 years together when we finally tied the knot, I thought there was no way that things would change for us.  We would just be legally bound together by our love.  But I was pleasantly wrong. Marriage changed everything, in a great way.  The year we got married was the hardest year I have ever experienced personally as I was battling depression and anxiety.  Something I have never experienced before, or at least never this severe. It really did make it a sad time for me despite the fact it should have been a really happy time.  I loved our wedding day and it was even better than I could have ever imagined, but even now when I look back the photos, I do see the sadness in my eyes, buried deep behind the adrenalin, laughter, and whirlwind of the day, but it was there lurking never the less. 

The year we got married was the hardest year I have ever experienced personally as I was battling depression and anxiety.  Something I have never experienced before, or at least never this severe, I have always been a worrier and suffered from mild anxiety. It really did make it a sad time for me despite the fact it should have been a really happy time.  I loved our wedding day and it was even better than I could have ever imagined. But even now when I look back at the photos, I do see the sadness in my eyes, buried deep behind the adrenalin, laughter, and whirlwind of the day, but it was there lurking never the less. 

The depression didn't go away after the wedding.  It had a slight hiatus when we went away on our honeymoon for a week in Malta.  I guess because I just didn't have to do life for 7 days! But when we returned it hit with a vengeance. I could barely function, I cried at everything and I just couldn't focus on life and getting things done.  I did get things done, I didn't stop, or at least not outside of the home. To everyone at work and my friends I was fine, everything carried on as normal. 

Behind closed doors, I crumbled. Phil was my rock.  He stepped up even more than he usually does.  He struggled with not really being able to help me heal and not knowing what to say.  He did, however, help me heal.  He cooked, cleaned, listened, was affectionate and took care of things so that I didn't have to, exactly what I needed.  Through all of the darkness, I was in love with him more than ever.

 

Despite this being a really challenging few months into our marriage, it brought us closer together and made us even stronger. I think it made Phil a better partner and husband and it made me a better wife.  He had seen me at my lowest and slowly helped me rise back up again.  I had counseling for 6 weeks, which really helped support me further where Phil and family just couldn't and slowly but surely the real me emerged again.  

Since then our relationship has really been amazing.  We have always been great together; we very rarely argue and we just work. I feel like I have my best friend for life.  I know that he literally be there through sickness and in health and I would do exactly the same for him.  

12 months on and life is looking up. We have had stumbles along the way, dealing with all the usual things that life throws at us.  But we handle it together and that makes the difference. I can't wait for the next chapter when we embark on our journey to become parents.

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